I'm sorry.

Failure, totally a failure.

Ever since that day, i've been having sleepless nights. Those nights that i never wish to come, those nights that my mind can't stop thinking of so many things. Had been thinking so much since thn. I really don't know why this affected me so much. I guess i've been strong for too long ? I guess it's time to put everything behind. I guess it's time to think about myself. Always thinking about others, how to make them happy but this time round i really need to learn to make myself happy. My thoughts and feeling never fails to take control over me. Sigh. I'm a failure in everything, be it studies, friendship, relationship or what, i failed. I really failed. I still could remember 2 years ago, i had my birthday celebrated with you and afew other friends, it's simple but couldn't deny that that i was truly happy. Because i know i have that someone who is willing to be with me, at the end of the day i know he loves me wholeheartly. Exactly 2 years later, things changed. It didn't just change a little, it change alot. Way too much. Although i gained friends that i didn't expect to be with, but right in the end i had nothing. I know i had nothing. I can't deny i wasn't as happy as 2 years ago, and i miss it. Because now, right at the end of my birthday i had nothing. Let's not talk about birthday, talk about everyday, right at the end of day, i have nothing. I can't find someone that understands me, i can't find people that don't judge, i can't find someone that will accept my flaws, i can't find someone to be with me through thick and thin. I'm basically living for the sake of living. Sometimes i really wonder why.. I realised everything happen because i'm not capable of keeping people i love. He left, things change. He's the only one that could understand me. But what's the point ? The point is that people give up too easily. Simply because i wasn't important. If i'm important, people won't give up. I still keep everything, all the things and memories are still with me. I may have moved on but trust me no matter what part of me still loves you. I'll never learn to be heartless. I stayed strong for 7 months, i got through of the shit. And guess what ? I let myself fall again, i fell for someone. I waited for 8 months, and i hated it when you talk to others, when you treat others so good. I'm still questioning myself, why can't you treat me better ? I wasn't what you wanted all along, all along we're just friends. Nothing more than friends, not even close to other things. I stayed strong for this too . For that thing that happen 2 days ago, i admit i couldn't get over it, i really can't. I tend to remember bad things for a long time. I forgived but i won't forget. Yes , it's my fault for not being able to control my thoughts. I'm sorry. I failed to keep everything going right, i tried but i failed. I tried to be strong this time round but i really can't .. I failed in being a good friend. I should distance myself away from everybody, should let everything drift apart. Guess i should stop contacting everybody after tmr, i'll contact everybody after i feel better. Fml . I can't keep things going right. I'm not lack of anything, i guess the only thing i'm lacking is happiness. I just wish i had someone to turn to. I wish i was loved . I'm always smiling and laughing but i know myself that i'm not happy at all. Never once was. I can't express my feelings and thoughts to people, i just don't know how. I'm really sorry. I need more time. Sorry .